AOC’s response: “This is the hard part.”
I’ve got to tell you, that caught me off guard. Four years in prison, I thought, and he’s telling me that his newfound freedom - not doing the time behind bars - is the hard part. Crazy!
As I got back on the road, I kept thinking about AOC and what’s ahead of him, and at the same time my mind started seeing connections between the moment of transition AOC finds himself in and that of many of us.
Don’t get me wrong. I know there is a world of difference in AOC’s story and ours, and yet, I see a connection.
Throughout our lives and careers, we too step into moments of significant transition. For us, it’s not being dropped at a Love's gas station, but it could be becoming empty nesters or a significant unexpected or planned career change.
And for many of us in The FAM, this moment of transition brings newfound freedom.
As I got further from that Love's station, I started to think that AOC said something out loud that many of us keep inside - that newfound freedom, something we looked so forward to, now becomes the next hard thing we must confront.
But what could make this freedom hard?
I mean, throughout our lives and our careers, we have built amazing things. A great business, a great career, a beautiful family. All super meaningful, with its bouts of hard thrown in. But now, shouldn’t the hard be over?
The Dizziness of Freedom
Søren Kierkegaard, the Danish “father of existentialism,” first gave language to that strange, heavy feeling we get when we realize we are truly free. He wasn’t interested in abstract systems; he was interested in the individual - that’s AOC, you and me - standing alone before the weight of their own life.
Kierkegaard’s central insight is captured in one of his most famous lines: “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” It's as if, he suggested, standing on the edge of a cliff or a tall building, looking down into the abyss and feeling a sudden, terrifying vertigo.
This vertigo takes hold the moment your spirit looks into its own boundlessness and realizes there is no guardrail, and no pre-written script.
For years, our lives have been scripted. Family and work made their demands known, and with love and loyalty in our hearts, we defined our roles, served the kids and the career requirements until this new moment. The kids are on their own; this stage of our life’s work is done, and our calendars are now free to fill with whatever we choose.
This newfound freedom presents what I have called the abyss of possibilities.
How do we fill our days now that we don’t start the day with most of it already accounted for? The possibilities in front of us become, well, boundless.
Let the dizziness begin.
The Gift Of Fulfillment
Before this newfound freedom, the question of what’s next was often answered for us. But now we might be able to reframe what’s next to what do I want now? Or even, where and how will I find fulfillment in the years ahead?
Fulfillment is fundamental to me and my life philosophy. So let’s break it down.
I began thinking about fulfillment as two ideas living inside one word: FULL and FILL. Why do we need two of the same words, to make one word? Ah, when I asked that question, I found a path forward.
- Full represents the state of being whole, sufficient, complete. Being.
- Fill represents the process or energy in motion. Doing.
So when we are fulfilled, we are both sufficiently content with ourselves and our lives, while also filling our lives with what we yearn for.
Here is how I see these two words forming a mental model that guides us towards our mission of living fully alive.
So Living Fully Alive is both the state of feeling whole and sufficient in this moment and, at the same time, bringing an energy to your life, continuing movement, momentum, and growth.
Now, here’s the thing. Earlier in life and in our careers, many activities that filled both the Full and the Fill boxes defaulted to home and work duties.
Our lives (and calendars) were full based on our roles, titles, work, and family responsibilities. We filled our lives with activities tightly tied to those home and work responsibilities through the learning, challenges, and relationships that came into our lives.
And now, with newfound freedom, those boxes have more, maybe a lot more whitespace for us to author a life of fulfillment for the years ahead.
Notice the bottom row; it’s empty. Blank. Waiting for you to step into the Abyss of possibilities.
We now have a blank canvas as a gift inviting us to go deeply inward to assess, what we really want now.
At the same time, others want to help you fill that whitespace. In fact, the requests and opportunities presented to you, without first defining how you will intentionally find fulfillment in this moment of your life, can be absolutely dizzying. To turn the abyss of possibilities into the gift of possibilities, you might start with these two questions:
- What will give my life fullness in this next season?
- What will keep me engaged, energized, curious, learning, and growing in the years ahead?
If you have ever felt the dizziness of freedom, I hope this model of fulfillment becomes a tool for you, as it has for me, to honor yourself in your journey of living fully alive.
Hugs,